The top five things that make a good epic

These are what I believe are the top 5 reasons epic movies are hits. I guarantee most people who disagree with me, will call them "simple". Like John Wayne said, if you don't see things as black and white, "why the hell not?"

1. There is a good side and a bad side. This is what "Kingdom of Heaven" and "Alexander" miss. The obsession with darkening heroes to make them more real only comes from believing that evil is more real than good. The deductionists who believe this also believe that "From towering smoke that fire can never burn and from tall tales that men were never tall." As Tolkien said of the great epic, Beowulf, the most important part of that tale was the evil of Grendel. When we blur the lines between good and evil, we resign ourselves not to peace, but to war with everyone and everything.

2. There is a battle between these sides. Of course, sometimes the battle is within ourselves or between spiritual realities (ie. "The Passion of the Christ") Nevertheless, some war has to happen because as the old westerns said "This town ain't big enough for the two of us." Good and evil have to fight.

3. There must be a hero who either dies or sacrifices beyond what others sacrifice. He has to love others and the cause for which he fights, more than anything. He has to inspire others by his words and example. Big, memorable lines from Leonidas, Wallace or Maximus strike a chord with the audience. Toughness in the face of adversity is inspiring. Defiance of evil even when it is more powerful, is awesome.

4. The general art of the picture must be done well. Good lines, cinematography, costumes, and most importantly, a POINT. There must be an Act I, II and III. This is also why movies like "Kingdom of Heaven" and "Alexander" suck (both done by notable "artistic" directors. Blah, they had no plot!)

5. Finally, and this is where my bleeding-heart conservatism will come out, it must be a comedy. I mean, the movie must have a good ending. Leonidas, Maximus, or Wallace may die, but the good conquers evil. And their sacrifice is that much more meaningful because they win. Only cowards like to see good win without a fight. Only relativistic liberals who, like Darth Vader, have become "more machine than man" love to see bad win out over good. Only they believe that evil is stronger than good. As Chesterton says, "Why do they vaguely think of all chivalry as sentiment and all sentiment as weakness?...It is their faith that the only ultimate thing is fear and therefore that the very heart of the world is evil."